Letters to Veronica

You are complete
Yu are powerful
You are kind

You are love and lovable
You are cracks and wonders
You are beauty as you are

You are passion and insight
You are dreams and sweat
You are possibilities

You are pain and darkness
turned light

Tu eres las mujeres que vinieron antes de ti
y las que vendrán

Tu eres los hilos de las historias
Of your story

You are the strength of the threads in tension
and the relief of the next page
You are the brief moments of love
in a lifetime of fighting and pain


You are the welder that outgrows brief moments into days
hours, and years of light

You may not believe it now
But I promise you

I am living proof of that

You are not the reflection coming at you from the mirrors of this world
You are the bright lights that you meet when you close your eyes

You are the full, shinny moon above you and the soil caress your feet
You are the loving gaze of the souls around you and within you

You are
You are

You are the tears dried up in your cheeks as I write this poem
You are my loving gaze telling you not to worry
The pain will go away
You will push it away
You will
You did

You are

Endings and Beginings

Flashback 2005
Fastforward 2016

So much has happened 
So much heartache and tribulations

Navigating a world structural designed to push you away

Having to fight back over and over, and... over
Not out of choice really

But then the non-choice becomes a choice
You turn it into a choice 
Ploughed my way through it all 

Of course my plans were nebulous. I had no plans in fact. All I knew, all I had was a strong internal voice telling me that I needed to detach from that place of belonging, that I needed to leave my 'safety', and that in this way I would somehow build a version of myself that I would be comfortable with. 

In many ways, being a woman outside the box of the cultural expectations meant a confinement that I could only escape by leaving.

My escaping enterprises

And the power of hand sight and one day after the next

Because time writes in itself many more stories (not scripts) that we can even dare to imagine 

But I am not trapped anymore in the 'here and now'

I am past, present and future all at once. Nurturing, circular, inventing and re-inventing

Redemption. Possibilities 

Intertwined stories

De cuando solíamos pensar que 'me hizo mujer'

Vulnerabilidad. Miedo al rechazo, a no ser amada. 
I am not good enough
Por ello destino es igual al hombre que, finalmente, me haga mujer. 

Bull shit

Tal es la fuerza del patriarcado internalizado que, aun a estas alturas de nuestras vidas (note to self: never forget life is a circle), siguen llegando hombres a nuestra vida que pretenden 'hacer mujeres' sin parirlas. Sólo acostándose con ellas.  

Las madres de la vida, de la tierra ...giving up their power (que no es un poder the avasallar sino de tejer)

Y todo porque? por un poco de atención. Autoafirmacion desde afuera no es autoafirmacion. Es abandono del derecho a la identidad. Del derecho a ser. Full stop. 

Siempre nos viene desde fuera (eso parece, eso nos enseñan) la idea de nosotras mismas. 

Someone should have told us that beauty is NOT in the eye of the beholder. And so I write to exzorcise the voice deep down that still believes that. 

Someone should have known better

But that's the past. And its ok. Now. Perdonar es una pagina que ya pase. Pero el olvido es diferente. El olvido es el indice al que siempre debo volver. Para no olvidar. Because only through the past I can join the dots, that will lead me to my future

Tiempo circular

#Hope

I am afraid that if if forget 

That if I don't remember my story

If I don't make the effort, the brave effort to remember my story

Something is going to be lost 

Forever

Introspection

I don't remember love in my childhood

Yes, no childhood shit

But I really don't 

I kid you not

I am afraid but I am also brave

Because I am finding the way to remembering 

Because remembering is redemption 

Painful redemption

Like Kelly says. I thought my My life was empty but it is not

Which doesn't mean fulfilment is effortless 

And I am learning to accept and to thank the universe for that

Because of you my heart was never whole

But I am filling that whole

With my grace 

Yes I've never strain far from the sidewalk

But I am creating the habit to resist the temptation to stay small

Because I-am-NOT

Small

I sill haven't quite understood how to let someone in

But I trust that I will learn

In time